Depressing--Update

Thank you to all of you who responded to my depressing rant (double entrendre intended). I am not usually so race sensitive, race concious--yes, race sensitive--no. I intend for this blog to be about my foster sons' journey, not mine...it's not always about me (through I have a t-shirt that states otherwise--no really I do!). And thank you for your blog recommendations! I will be checking them out. You know that old saying 'it would help if babies came with a manual'? Well it is doublely true when parenting tramatized kids, a manual would be really helpful! But, alas there is not one, so I read other people's blogs to learn tips, people who are also parenting tramautized kids, kids who already been tramautized in other situations, so as not to continually tramautize them in my home. If that makes any sense. And during my search I found a missing voice, the voice of black foster parents. Which doesn't mean that I can't learn from non black foster parents (can and do), but...

Now shhhhh I going to let you in on a little secret...all black people are not the same! Yep, it's true, just cause I am black does not mean I know about all things black--just ask FS#1. FS#1 disrupted his pre-adoptive placement in part because of race--so he says. Now I am and still friends with his former pre-adoptive family and was in and out of their house during FS#1 stay there. There were issues and race was one, but IMHO the major one, I think not. However, I do think that it was the easy one for him to complain about. And in his case some of the misunderstandings revolved around hair. FS#1 is vain about his hair and he currently wears it cornrow with braids. His former pre-adoptive parents weren't interested in learning how to take care of black hair, and turned over that responsibility to him. All of this worked okay until the pre-adoptive parents found out in order to save money FS#1 was having his hair done in the projects by a crack whore. And no, I am not just stereotyping here, this person was a crack whore but because of professional ethics I can't reveal how I know. His pre-adoptive parents hit the ceiling! Oh did I mention they found out because the crack whore accused FS#1 of stealing money and was trying to blackmail them into paying xxx amount of money or she would file police charges? So the pre-adoptive parents forbid FS#1 from going there to have his hair done, you know for safety reasons. However to FS#1 they were discriminating against him because of black hair and its not his fault that the only people who could do his hair for $10 are crack whores!

Now I bet you are wondering why I wondered down this memory lane and what it has to do with the depressing post, aren't you? Good question. Okay punch line of this story; imagine FS#1 surprise when I told him that 1) I don't do hair. Dear god I pay someone else to do MY hair and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CORNROW! Braid, yes, cornrow, no. 2) his hair is his responsibility and no he can't pay a crack whore $10 to do his hair (oh and for point of reference, if FS#1 went to a salon he would have to pay $50-$90 in my little neck of the woods to have his hair braided; also FS#1 recieved a very generous allowance from me, 25% of his foster care stipend and I got extra money because of his special medical needs so he could pay to have his hair done professionally).

So you see, I need the help, advice and perspective of other black foster parents.

PS. FS#1 very cleverly found a way to have his hair done even cheaper, like for free. He realized some of his friends in high school were going to voctech school in cosmotology and they needed to log many hours of practice before they took their licensing test. Voila, match made in heaven!